The Comfortable Answer

Dear Meg,

Your heart is so good. It takes only a moment of relief from your own burdens to get you ready to conquer the world. (And, of course, you were always concerned about others even when you were suffering.) The quote you shared is a new concept to me, but it resonates. We do seem to rally around suffering and shrug off joy. We all crave peace and joy, and those of us lucky enough to have a good amount of those things in our lives feel a desire to share that with others. But when we see the depth of the suffering in the world it can feel indulgent and selfish to enjoy our blessings.

It's important to remember that hope brings solutions, despair only brings more despair. I deal with this so much in my own struggle with depression. I tend to see what's wrong and want to solve it. The more I focus on the problem, the larger it seems. What really gets me out of the rut is to find something I can do and do it with all my heart. Whether it's sitting in the sunshine, playing with my kids, working, walking in nature :), or helping someone who needs me.

In the quest to make the world better, I want to be the person who does what I can, whatever it is. It doesn't take much looking at suffering to get me to want to help. Facebook sure makes suffering front and center in our virtual lives. But I can spend a lot of time looking at the suffering and doing nothing. What I'd like to do is find more answers. What can I do to help? Where can I donate? Where can I work? What can I do? If there is something I can do, I'll do it. If there's not, well that's the uncomfortable question. Do I have the courage and the energy and the time and resources to find something that can be done in a void of trouble with no apparent solution?

So, you've helped me unravel my own feelings on the topic a little. I'll have to try harder to do what I can and then enjoy my own blessings. I'll have to work hard to be humble enough never to take them for granted. And maybe, when I'm feeling courageous, I'll have to try to be the person to tackle a problem, to help the suffering world.

Do you know what else? I think I'll have to go outside on a warm evening sometime soon and look into the blue sky. The more we taste of heaven, the more we should be able to bring some of it to earth.

Love you Meggie!
-Mal-


Comments

  1. MeganApril 19, 2017 at 9:39 PM

    I feel like there is more to say on this topic, so instead of making a new post about it, I'll just put it here. Let me just say as an outsider to your depression, I'm truly amazed at how you manage it. I'm sure you still have days where it just sucks and you feel stuck in it, but when I look at the overall scope of your life, you have come SO far in the last decade. You stay away from things that are triggers, you avoid comparing your life with anyone else's, and you seem so at peace with yourself. I'm trying to find that balance myself. So yay Mal, you are truly inspiring, which is kind of ironic, because I'm sure there aren't that many that know your story, you being a private person and all. So I am honored to be a witness to your life.

    But back to the other part of our conversation, Maybe the problem right now for me, is that I don't feel courageous. It's like I'm in a 10 step program of some kind, and I'm only on step one: Acknowledge the problem. I see so many problems, that I can't pick one. Yet when I think about it, is my life totally in order? No. There are still things in my personal life that need fixing. So that should probably be the priority, right? I'm grateful I guess, that I have the luxury to have all my basic needs taken care of so that I can do things like work on my marriage, or my own spirituality.

    But you are so right, when you focus on the problems, they loom bigger and bigger until they swallow you. So maybe my opportunities to help will grow from successes and joys in my life. I love how you mentioned humility, because I strongly believe that the humble NOTICE. If you are humble, you can see past your own life.

    A goal for me then, would be to see beyond. I want to see beyond myself into the lives and hearts of others who want to be seen, to see beyond the pavement into the sky and the stars and the vast universe, and to see through the lies that suck so many people into pursuits that are just dead ends, or soul numbing traps. Hardest of all, to see beyond the loudness of my own head, and find the stillness.

    Do you meditate now? I mentioned I'm getting into Yoga for kind of those purposes, I need to do it more.

    Well, it's a blessed evening where everyone is asleep except me, so I'm going to give myself permisson to fully enjoy it, instead of feeling guilty that I'm not volunteering at the homeless shelter or something...
    -Meg

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Dear Mal,     Well looks like summer killed our blog for a while.  That's ok,  there has definitely been a lot going on with both of us.  I've been thinking about what a topic could be for my next post to you,  and I came up with something that's been on my mind, and what better for two girls to talk about than men? More specifically, brothers.      When I get down in the dumps,  a tender area for me is obviously that I'm down one sister in this world.  I sometimes have to avoid social media. People with posts of them and their sisters makes me either angrily-jealous, or feeling depressed and invisible. However,  I was having one of those moments a couple weeks ago,  when I thought "What about my awesome brothers?"     This probably is funny being directed at you because you grew up with sisters,  but this can be counted to all the man in our lives; husband's,  cousins,  friends,  brothers in-law, etc. Men are so great.  They are brave,  creative,  acti
Read more

Oh Brother

Dear Meg, Isn't it funny that summer is the hardest time to get anything done? With all those extra hours in every day you'd think that we'd find time to...say...write our blog. I think that when I have to buckle down and get the kids to school every day, my momentum goes from lazy daisy to high gear. So on this Labor Day I'm declaring that I'm back in the game. I loved your post about brothers, and I just love your brothers too. Since we are focusing on what we have I'll skip bemoaning my lack of brotherly friendship growing up and give thanks for the brothers that came into my life later. My step brothers had their own kind, funny, inspiring influence on my life, however at-a-distance our relationships were. And Brandon has always been a delight! He was so tiny and ten when Ryan and I first started hanging out and now he's 25 and a beautiful person! I'm so lucky we get along so well. Your brothers have always treated me like family which brought so
Read more

The Uncomfortable Question.

Dear Mal,       I'm writing this on my phone while laying on my couch. It's the first 10 minutes of silence I've had all week.  Even despite the business of motherhood,  I always have a lot on my mind.  For the past year of my life,  I often come back to the same question: With all the suffering that always exists in the world,  am I allowed to be totally happy?     I have a memory from my childhood of being in my backyard.  I would jump on my trampoline, feel the blood pumping through my veins, and the breath coming and going from my lungs,  and I would stare at the blue evening summer sky.  I would think "This must be what heaven is like." Moments like this happened to me all the time.  Thinking about it,  I could follow those same steps now, and probably really enjoy myself.  Yet for me, at least at this point in my life,  it would probably be somewhat tainted by the bitterness in the world that my adult self has tasted.    I get so frustrated,  I want to he
Read more