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Showing posts from 2017

What is Normal?

Dear Mal,     I will be forthcoming in admitting that one of my reasons for blogging today is that I got a new laptop, and I'm really excited to try it out. Let's take a moment for me to relish this moment. It's been a really long time since I purchased something new and expensive for myself, it's probably never really happened in my married life. I'm not counting things that are required for survival, because that's where ALL of our money has gone in these grad school/young child years.      So, that being said, I will say that this new laptop symbolizes a new phase of life for me. A phase of life, where my needs can be met. I'm feeling pretty great about that. I don't want to be a martyr, and I often feel like I am when I have those moments where I go "Oh my hell, my life is really freaking hard", but wasn't it though? At the retreat I went to in Salt Lake, one of my takeaways was the validation I got from the other people there who ass

Oh Brother

Dear Meg, Isn't it funny that summer is the hardest time to get anything done? With all those extra hours in every day you'd think that we'd find time to...say...write our blog. I think that when I have to buckle down and get the kids to school every day, my momentum goes from lazy daisy to high gear. So on this Labor Day I'm declaring that I'm back in the game. I loved your post about brothers, and I just love your brothers too. Since we are focusing on what we have I'll skip bemoaning my lack of brotherly friendship growing up and give thanks for the brothers that came into my life later. My step brothers had their own kind, funny, inspiring influence on my life, however at-a-distance our relationships were. And Brandon has always been a delight! He was so tiny and ten when Ryan and I first started hanging out and now he's 25 and a beautiful person! I'm so lucky we get along so well. Your brothers have always treated me like family which brought so
Dear Mal,     Well looks like summer killed our blog for a while.  That's ok,  there has definitely been a lot going on with both of us.  I've been thinking about what a topic could be for my next post to you,  and I came up with something that's been on my mind, and what better for two girls to talk about than men? More specifically, brothers.      When I get down in the dumps,  a tender area for me is obviously that I'm down one sister in this world.  I sometimes have to avoid social media. People with posts of them and their sisters makes me either angrily-jealous, or feeling depressed and invisible. However,  I was having one of those moments a couple weeks ago,  when I thought "What about my awesome brothers?"     This probably is funny being directed at you because you grew up with sisters,  but this can be counted to all the man in our lives; husband's,  cousins,  friends,  brothers in-law, etc. Men are so great.  They are brave,  creative,  acti

Resting

Dear Mal,     I find it kind of hilarious that it took me like a week to make the time to respond to your blog about how busy we are and how we need more rest. I've been so busy! Which our society really does need to stop using as some kind of badge of honor. I did listen to that radio west episode, and loved it.   Last weekend,  I got to make a road trip out to Portland, and it had all the ingredients of soul satisfaction: beautiful scenery, fresh air, hiking, family. great food, sunshine, and some good road trippin tunes. Going someplace new and being able to soak it all in was the rest that I needed.  I often find that I need a rest from the mundane. I think that's one reason I love listening to podcasts so much, they are always teaching me something new and different,  even if I'm doing something old and the same,  like laundry, or cleaning babies bottoms (which honestly I don't mind,  Ivy's fat little baby bum is just adorable, ha ha).     Now that I'm

10th Anniversary, Snow in May, and Monthly Blogging

Dear Meg, Yesterday was my 10th anniversary! Wahoo! Also, it snowed today. Crazy Utah spring! Also, it's been exactly one month since I last wrote to you on our blog. Unrelated observations. And there's the first part of my letter, which gets me out of deciding what else to title this one, thank goodness, because it's late and my brain is fried!!! Ok, so today I was listening to our good friend Doug Fabrizio and he was talking with the scholar Alex Soojung-Kim Pang about the importance of rest. Great episode, by the way, if you need something to listen to. It made me think about my battle with rest. As moms we need rest from life, don't we? It's taxing taking care of a home, paying the bills, (trying to have enough money to pay the bills), buying the food, making the food, dressing, undressing, bathing, changing, and cleaning poop off the little ones, AND on top of all of that, just doing normal things like exercising and showering while making sure tho

The Comfortable Answer

Dear Meg, Your heart is so good. It takes only a moment of relief from your own burdens to get you ready to conquer the world. (And, of course, you were always concerned about others even when you were suffering.) The quote you shared is a new concept to me, but it resonates. We do seem to rally around suffering and shrug off joy. We all crave peace and joy, and those of us lucky enough to have a good amount of those things in our lives feel a desire to share that with others. But when we see the depth of the suffering in the world it can feel indulgent and selfish to enjoy our blessings. It's important to remember that hope brings solutions, despair only brings more despair. I deal with this so much in my own struggle with depression. I tend to see what's wrong and want to solve it. The more I focus on the problem, the larger it seems. What really gets me out of the rut is to find something I can do and do it with all my heart. Whether it's sitting in the sunshine, pla

The Uncomfortable Question.

Dear Mal,       I'm writing this on my phone while laying on my couch. It's the first 10 minutes of silence I've had all week.  Even despite the business of motherhood,  I always have a lot on my mind.  For the past year of my life,  I often come back to the same question: With all the suffering that always exists in the world,  am I allowed to be totally happy?     I have a memory from my childhood of being in my backyard.  I would jump on my trampoline, feel the blood pumping through my veins, and the breath coming and going from my lungs,  and I would stare at the blue evening summer sky.  I would think "This must be what heaven is like." Moments like this happened to me all the time.  Thinking about it,  I could follow those same steps now, and probably really enjoy myself.  Yet for me, at least at this point in my life,  it would probably be somewhat tainted by the bitterness in the world that my adult self has tasted.    I get so frustrated,  I want to he

Ordinary is Nice!

Dear Mal,     What a refreshing and heart warming letter that brought me down delicious, if not slightly chubby, memory lane. It's probably a good thing that Ben and Jerry's doesn't make "One Sweet World" anymore, because my resolve to never buy ice cream would be over. You made a comment about how I grew out of the chick flick phase sooner than you did, I never really thought about that, but all that means is that I got cynical sooner than you did, and it's that I'm hoping I grow out of first.     And just for the record, upon reflection, I really truly do care about your silly ramblings, and I also think it's awesome, and I feel so happy that you confidently know that I do care.     I was trying to imagine what my current "Perfect Girls Night" scenario would be, because you're right, it definitely needs to be lower in both fat and sap. So picture this: we cook a deliciously fresh healthy meal, eat it outside on my porch while watchin

A Little Something Ordinary

Dear Meg, I feel like our first two posts were so large in impact that anything following them might just sound silly. But being silly is one of the best parts of our friendship! So, oh well if this letter isn't as deep as the ocean, as high as the sky. I'm just going to ramble silly nothings at you because, frankly, I know you actually care. (I'm so lucky.) Tonight I am craving chocolate and sparkling cider, but I have three sleeping kids and a husband at the office until late so, thankfully, I will not be able to go to the store and binge on junky goodness. Oh, but I want to. Remember One Sweet Whirled? Is that where our obsession with coffee flavors originated? And of course, Cafe Rio salads, Chili's desserts, pizza, watermelon, and ??Strawberries with mint leaves?? Just kidding. It's funny to think about how delightful food and a good chick flick used to be to me. Not as much anymore. I mean, don't get me wrong. Food is LIFE! But I don't really s

Not a burden

Dear Mal,     Reading your letter on sharing brought up a lot of things for me.  You seem to have a way of saying things at the right time to help me overcome my insecurities.     It seems like you beat me to a lot of things in life.  While I was single,  you were married.  When you had a child, I had a classroom full of unruly sixth graders and a heart still lonely.  When you became more financially stable,  my husband and I were pinching borrowed pennies. I have always found enormous amount of comfort and peace in our friendship,  and was always easily forgiving of any minor flaws you had.   A sad thing happens in mind.  Each time I have to vent,  unload, or  seek a floatation device in the drowning depths, I do so with a tinge of guilt. "I don't want to be a burden to my friends. " "I don't want to be a buzz kill" "I want to be my old silly fun self". Yet as you pointed out,  I still have shared my sorrow and my joys with you,  and you have

On Sharing

Dear Meg, I was thinking today about sharing. The kind of sharing that you do when you have a real friend. Last night when you called and announced that Sean passed his test, I couldn't contain my squeal of joy, (it even scared the kids). I felt happy just knowing that you have what you have wanted for so long. Later that night, I thought about the morning you texted to tell me that Rachel passed away. I sat on my porch in the warm summer light and sobbed. I didn't think about how terrible that day was for you. I felt it. There is something so drowning about my own emotions. I feel swept away with my own joy. I am suffocated by my own suffering. But there is a unique quality to the emotions I share with you. They enrich my spirit, they make me grow, they make me better. I'm so glad for your happy news, and I ache for your still recent and raw loss. But I also thank you for letting me share in those emotions, and so many more. Being your friend has made my life mor