10th Anniversary, Snow in May, and Monthly Blogging

Dear Meg,
Yesterday was my 10th anniversary! Wahoo!

Also, it snowed today. Crazy Utah spring!

Also, it's been exactly one month since I last wrote to you on our blog.

Unrelated observations.

And there's the first part of my letter, which gets me out of deciding what else to title this one, thank goodness, because it's late and my brain is fried!!!

Ok, so today I was listening to our good friend Doug Fabrizio and he was talking with the scholar Alex Soojung-Kim Pang about the importance of rest. Great episode, by the way, if you need something to listen to. It made me think about my battle with rest.

As moms we need rest from life, don't we? It's taxing taking care of a home, paying the bills, (trying to have enough money to pay the bills), buying the food, making the food, dressing, undressing, bathing, changing, and cleaning poop off the little ones, AND on top of all of that, just doing normal things like exercising and showering while making sure those little ones are safe and happy. Moms need rest!

I never have trouble knowing when I need a break, but my real struggle is deciding what to do when I actually get one. My brain is so used to being tuned in to the endless to-do list of life that when Ryan can take the kids and I get a little time to myself, all I can think of to do is more work: "I know, I'll get that oil change," or "I'll do the grocery shopping without the kids".

I realize that I've been keeping my life so full of things that fend off the all-too-common, stay-at-home-parent insecurity. You know, the feeling that you're never getting enough accomplished. But being that busy isn't filling me as a person, and I'm definitely not any less insecure.

So, I've determined that what I need is to embrace the holes in life. I need to embrace the times when all I can do is sit on a porch with my best friend and talk. I need to embrace the mornings when Zoey is in pre-school, Cid is in 1st grade, and Jamey is napping. Instead of feeling the need to cram that precious time full of "productivity" I need to take a moment to be alive. Jenny's Lake style, you know?

This morning I tried it. The house was quiet (and clean for once), and I brewed some tea and listened to a podcast and sat on the floor and did nothing in particular. Now THAT was rest! Shopping, pedicures, trips to the movies--all of those things are fun. But what I find I really need more of in life is quiet moments. Real rest. I'm not racing to the next thing to do, whether it's work, fun, or family responsibility. I'm just being me.

And speaking of rest, I'm so tired I think I'm going to fall asleep at this computer.

I hope you're happy and well. Thanks again for the LOVELY trip to Pasco!

Love,
Mal


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