What is Normal?
Dear Mal,
I will be forthcoming in admitting that one of my reasons for blogging today is that I got a new laptop, and I'm really excited to try it out. Let's take a moment for me to relish this moment. It's been a really long time since I purchased something new and expensive for myself, it's probably never really happened in my married life. I'm not counting things that are required for survival, because that's where ALL of our money has gone in these grad school/young child years.
So, that being said, I will say that this new laptop symbolizes a new phase of life for me. A phase of life, where my needs can be met. I'm feeling pretty great about that. I don't want to be a martyr, and I often feel like I am when I have those moments where I go "Oh my hell, my life is really freaking hard", but wasn't it though? At the retreat I went to in Salt Lake, one of my takeaways was the validation I got from the other people there who assured me, "Yeah, you've been through a lot in your young life." I have. So now, I have a mentally stable husband with a really great job that has our financial needs met, and adds a great deal of comfort and flexibility into our lives, I have two beautiful daughters, a job I really like, and my relationship with the church is not causing me near the stress and anxiety that it has in the past.
So do people go through weeks, months, even years, without something traumatic happening? I admit I've got some ptsd. Whenever I get a text or a phone call from anyone in my family, I have a mini panic attack thinking someone has died. Mortality has been made abundantly clear to me, and in some ways that's good, but it also shouldn't paralyze me from living and enjoying my life. Enjoying my life. Wow. That sounds really nice. I'm going to try my best to do that.
But I also want to just be done with me and me problems. Let's just let that ego die and move on. Let's start talking about ideas, music, things that inspire us, things we want to do, instead of me always just wondering how I'm going to climb out of the next hole.
How are you Mal? Life is crazy, being a mom is exhausting, running a business, I wouldn't even know, but from what I observe, it's never ending, so I'm sure that sums up a lot of your life. But I had a little flashback the other day. You and I were probably 18 or 19, and we were on one of our walks through your neighborhood. You were telling me about a couple in your ward who were high school sweet hearts who made it, and you showed me their cute house and described their family to me. Then we said that we believed that you and Ryan could make it, and have that life. How literally that dream has come to pass, you literally live in a house we may have walked by on that same walk. We never could have known how beautiful the faces of our children would be, and how love is pushed and stretched and molded into something deeper as the years of married life go by. I just admire you and Ryan as a couple more than most couples I know. It is so uplifting to be around the two of you, and your kids are thriving in every way, and I love them like my family.
Your friendship, and the privilege of being in that family space with you guys is really a haven for me, and always has been, so thank you for that. The fact that you now have a hot tub just makes that statement even more potent now. (tee hee) Well, one of these days maybe my bog entry will be well put together and have an actual topic and a flow, but for now, oh well, thanks for reading anyway.
Love,
Meg
I will be forthcoming in admitting that one of my reasons for blogging today is that I got a new laptop, and I'm really excited to try it out. Let's take a moment for me to relish this moment. It's been a really long time since I purchased something new and expensive for myself, it's probably never really happened in my married life. I'm not counting things that are required for survival, because that's where ALL of our money has gone in these grad school/young child years.
So, that being said, I will say that this new laptop symbolizes a new phase of life for me. A phase of life, where my needs can be met. I'm feeling pretty great about that. I don't want to be a martyr, and I often feel like I am when I have those moments where I go "Oh my hell, my life is really freaking hard", but wasn't it though? At the retreat I went to in Salt Lake, one of my takeaways was the validation I got from the other people there who assured me, "Yeah, you've been through a lot in your young life." I have. So now, I have a mentally stable husband with a really great job that has our financial needs met, and adds a great deal of comfort and flexibility into our lives, I have two beautiful daughters, a job I really like, and my relationship with the church is not causing me near the stress and anxiety that it has in the past.
So do people go through weeks, months, even years, without something traumatic happening? I admit I've got some ptsd. Whenever I get a text or a phone call from anyone in my family, I have a mini panic attack thinking someone has died. Mortality has been made abundantly clear to me, and in some ways that's good, but it also shouldn't paralyze me from living and enjoying my life. Enjoying my life. Wow. That sounds really nice. I'm going to try my best to do that.
But I also want to just be done with me and me problems. Let's just let that ego die and move on. Let's start talking about ideas, music, things that inspire us, things we want to do, instead of me always just wondering how I'm going to climb out of the next hole.
How are you Mal? Life is crazy, being a mom is exhausting, running a business, I wouldn't even know, but from what I observe, it's never ending, so I'm sure that sums up a lot of your life. But I had a little flashback the other day. You and I were probably 18 or 19, and we were on one of our walks through your neighborhood. You were telling me about a couple in your ward who were high school sweet hearts who made it, and you showed me their cute house and described their family to me. Then we said that we believed that you and Ryan could make it, and have that life. How literally that dream has come to pass, you literally live in a house we may have walked by on that same walk. We never could have known how beautiful the faces of our children would be, and how love is pushed and stretched and molded into something deeper as the years of married life go by. I just admire you and Ryan as a couple more than most couples I know. It is so uplifting to be around the two of you, and your kids are thriving in every way, and I love them like my family.
Your friendship, and the privilege of being in that family space with you guys is really a haven for me, and always has been, so thank you for that. The fact that you now have a hot tub just makes that statement even more potent now. (tee hee) Well, one of these days maybe my bog entry will be well put together and have an actual topic and a flow, but for now, oh well, thanks for reading anyway.
Love,
Meg
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